wooowiee. it's the last day of the first month of this last year in my now semi-new school. haha. so i didnt have the Bad Cramps of yesterday. but, it was so weird. it was like i wanted it? i wanted the pain so much so i could have an excuse to mope around and be a bitch to everyone who crossed my path, but it wouldnt come. instead it was like a perpetual feeling of bloatedness, and the occasional hints of pain. however, i was having this really bad hair day, plus a bad uniform day, PLUS a bad breakout (i like to think it's because of my period) so i wasn't feeling all too happywappy today despite my laughing and giggling and such in school.

had an overdose of sugar after school. (ok maybe that's why i'm having this bad breakout) a whole bagget of malteasers (which were sooooo good) and then chocolate banana cake at secret recipe with dad. loooong day tomorrow. i'm starting to think that absenting myself from school once a month is a lil too little. haha

i will finish e1 essay tonight!

ooh and i'm SO excited! new layout by ME for the month of february :D :D i'm still deciding if i should try getting hosted. just because i've never been hosted before and i want to belong to a ___ family and have a nice hostess and fellow hostees. haha i'm such a net geek. but ftp is no fun x(

i had one of the scariest dreams in my entire 17years of dreaming. no clowns with scary makeup. no falling into endless pits. no getting hurt. no death of anyone. instead, i dreamt that my two front teeth fell off. -.- it was really, really scary. i was crying like mad. and it was all so real. probably cos of the teeth-incident last year. i can't believe the dentist's "if you don't take care to floss your teeth regularly you might get cavities in your front teeth and it'll be very ugly" is still haunting me. x(

as if the bad dream's not enough, i'm having really really bad cramps. the dull feeling in my stomach, where you feel like you really need to take a crap but there's nothing that would come out. RARGH. cursed womanhood. i've been quite the bitch today :( can't help it. the frustration is really getting to me. i can't imagine if i still have this pain tomorrow. haha i'll be driven to such a point of insanity it's actually quite funny.

i thought i had a hell lot of work to catch up on this weekend. but all i can find to do is math math and math. which is cool. lit tires me. i don't like it x( minus lit, i'll be coping really well with school. haha but then i'll only be taking three subjects (not counting chinese, speaking of which there's a double tomorrow). ARGH. school :(

the single bright spot to my day (credits to Amber @ SS)



-melts-

hehe. yesterday was a happyhappy day. :) we started out the day with only two absentees. but by pe, there were only 10 ppl -.- but i love those kinda days with like only half the class around. heh. anyways, pe. we started off playing this really funny chicken game. haha i've NEVER had so much fun doing pe. great stress reliever. ahhh. then we set off on our runs. shiwy and i were running partners again :) wheee. first run, one time around the school. stop. then one round outside the school, past fairfield sec and through the back gate in. stop. and finally, one big round to the mrt station and back. and i made it not stopping to walk once. something that i'm personally very proud of. who cares that our timing was crap. my own personal achievement, running so much nonstop :) rushed off for a quick bath then went off for dindin with the family at jumbo. good food after a good day. ahh perfect :)

NEWSFLASH! robthomas is releasing a solo album in may!!! :D

...in fact, that's where music came from" i love that line from the song. :)

had a very cca-filled day today. ed board meeting to archive the photos first. came across a couple of really funny pictures. haha. but seeing the stacks and stacks of unwanted photos that contained other people's memories, i realised that photos don't really mean anything. (so much for being trigger-happy.) the memories are what count really, not the photos. went off for rec badminton after that. took our attendence. sat down. played like 10mins. sat down. and then left -.- haha walked out with meishie to the bus stop. and i waited there for more than an hour for missxueziepoo. then we cabbed down to lido to catch shall we dance.

the movie was fantabulous! richardgere and susansaradon have to be my favourite almost-60-actors. their timeless charm is just amazing. and their characters in this show were just so sweet together..



movie made me really happy with it's fair share of feelgood moments, hilarious moments, and plain touching ones :D and the dancing, was seriously impressive. and even tho i'm not a fan of jlo, i have to admit that her face, figure, dressing, dancing etcetc is pretty much perfect. no wonder she can be such a diva. haha

that's what prince said to us at the last period today. haha. too true! anyways, i swear i deserve a freaking award for going to school today. after all my intentions of chilling out at home. plus the fact that i stayed up doing e8. x( but school really wasnt as bad as i anticipated today. it never is when you're really dreading it, for some reasons. no complaints there tho. it was actually a kinda nice day :) it was so nice, i really have nothing to rant about and so i'll end this entry here. haha oh btw, marked a&c quiz today. 31/50 woohoo!

school is such a drag. tuesdays should be made illegal. how can classrooms with NO fans and two miserable windows be allowed to have an aircon failure?! how can such whiny people exist?!

but like seriously, it's no fun walking into class and being hit, first by the stuffy, stinky air of our hellhole of a nl. and then plunged right into the mood of depression and whiny-ness. ON THE FREAKING FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL! hearing "i want to die" "someone kill me" "so and so should die" 24/7 (exaggeration -.-) is really starting to get on my nerves. 'just ignore it. JUST IGNORE IT!!' <-- chants in my head ahh blogs are so good for ranting. :D my itenery for the rest of today and tomorrow

- finish e8 essay by TONIGHT. dicipline, girl!
- wake up at 10am
- do math until i understand integration
- read econs notes on national income accounting
- reward myself with "my little bride" on the NEW DVD PLAYER. wheeee

oh yeah, in other words, this means i'm going to take it upon myself to eliminate the worst school day of the week, tuesday. :)

of what? antony&cleopatra. my head hurts sooo much from it! 4acts crammed over two days. not cool. but i'm pretty happy with my progress. plus i think a&c is actually a pretty interesting story of characters. :) went running with dad yesterday morning. whoo i got my breathing technique again and ran 13 minutes straight in the hothot midday sun. i just wish that running didnt sap my energy like it does. nor make me so ravenous. i convinced myself that the running justified my binge on chocolate, seaweed, bubblegum (with high sugar content, and i mean high), newyeartarts etcetc.

had a very koreanified day yesterday :D woke up at 9 something (on a saturday!) so i could watch pops in seoul. watched the 2004 m.net music video festival in the evening. which was a total treat except for the fact that they cut out dbsg's performance, even after plugging it as "a performance by this year's greatest act". then at night, my weekly dose of underoneroof. i don't know why i am so affected by this show. or rather by the kangsu-yuri situation. (ok actually maybe i do). plspls let them be together. :(

okok enough of my koreanculture-obsessiveness. i need to get back to a&c and the gp reading package and stupid e8.

spent the afternoon in town with the girls today. walked around, ate (alot), sat around, stoned, talked. waiting for 545 to come so we could watch our mooovie. was pretty fun i guess. a good chillout day with them :) we took a coupla pictures too. hahaha and it looked pretty good cos our tops colors were pretty and varied. :D alfie was pretty good. my first movie of the year! anyways, i must say, the more i watch jude law movies, the more i think he is dayummm hot. i mean i didnt even notice him in talented mr ripley. then in sky captain, i thought whoa he is pretty hot. but it was the ultimate in alfie. so damm charming and hot. *insert heartshaped eyes icon here* i loved how the movie was filmed. it was very artsy-fashion magazine type. anyways, trained back after that. missed out on lucious' bday bbq. aww but oh wells.

rargh it just hit me that i have a hell lot of reading to catch up on. if i'm not going out tmr then i shall jog in the morning then plunge head in into antony and cleopatra as well as the gp packageee.

emotionally, i believe i am very unstable =/ i can go from hating a person/people to really like them just like that. anyways, i think i can take back my words about mrdavidlow being a wonderful pe teacher. considering the fact that he took mass pe today and tried to torture the hell out of us. ok i'm exaggerating.. slightly. it wasnt all too bad, i guess. except the running part. i suckkk. the moment he said go, i forgot all about my breathing technique or my pacing and just run like some kind of mad woman, rapidly using up whatever lung power i had. and so. i came in last. yes last as in the very last person in the whole entire group. maybe there might have been one other person behind me. but yeah. -diesofshame- but bathtime today was very good. water was refreshing, bathsupplies were yummy smelling and mine so i could use freely without feeling bad :D

went over to holland subway with karen, fi, shar after school. i've kinda tried to eat more healthily today. haha had veggies in my yongtaufu! and had veggies in my coldcuttrio! soon i'll be able to use the "eat your greens" blogskin and be a veggiesnob :D haha. i hate it that i eat so slow. and i dont even talk much so i dont understand why I AM SO SLOW! rargh. but anyways, i realise i probably suffer from mutisism. i don't like to gossip cos i'm afraid of the consequences. in no way am i some self-rightous person full of morals why it is bad to gossip or bitch or whatever. i do gossip and bitch, but i guess i only do it around ppl i really trust or feel comfortable around. and it's not just the gossiping and bitching. just talking's also hard for me. haha i'm one problematic teen with a whole truckload of social problems.

anyways, after we ate, i just couldnt be stuffed taking a bus and a train home. esp the train ride. i am majorly trainsick. i think i've spent more time on the train than any other vehicle. seriously. so got on bus 77 with karen and shar. (ps, and there was a pretty hot guy on the bus too!) and took all the way with shar. got off, crossed the road and took it back to holland v to wait for d to give me a lift home. i am so extremely supremely greatful for her :)

it seems to be all around lately. the tsunami. the news of mrs c's husband's death. the last three books i've read - the five people you meet in heaven, tuesdays with morrie and empire of the sun, all pretty much revolve around it. i wonder, am i trying to prepare myself for it? because i've never, thank god, ever experienced a death of someone i know personally. i don't know the feeling of losing someone permanently. today, patsum talked to our class about mrs c. altho i really do sympathise with her, it felt extremely weird. because, honestly, i dont even know her. i mean, sure i see her around in school pretty much everyday, but i've never actually had a personal encounter with her. i dont want to pretend to be all sad about it because i really am not =x as mrsum said, dissociate but do not detach (eh something along those lines). feel for her, but don't get too overemotional, because, afterall, we really do not know each other personally. oh wells, i just had to get that out. cos the mood was just too WEIRD.

anyways, what really hit me today was when donna started crying. i presume because of her own recent loss. i really felt bad for her :( that's one thing i dont really feel comfortable with about the class. like half of us are detached from the other half. so like while she was crying, well, half of us pretty much didnt care. and it really really sucked. i couldnt help thinking, what if it was me crying? if it was me hurting? who's going to care? how would you feel if you're hurting so badly and people are just playing around, carrying on as if it's no big. and you know what? i hate myself for being such a hypocrite. i mean i say all this, but when it was happening, i was just sitting there. not bothering to go up to her to offer comfort. SUCH A HYPOCRITE. i'm as bad as the people i despise. i wish i was comfortable with this thing called emotions. instead of hiding all of mine and running away when people show theirs.

this is just.. depressing.

friday
i love our new pe teacher. hope i dont eat my words as the year goes on =x. went for bible study at the rock after school. pastor prince is a very good preacher. however, there are just some things he says that i dont believe in, or rather, refuse to believe. maybe it's just because i am reluctant to believe that the world is coming to an end. i mean, i've just started thinking about the future.. i dont want to think about the end yet :( stupid immature me. x(

saturday
woke up DAMN early (for me) to go check out the book sale with d. pretty good haul i made! 9 books :D altho none were what i was looking for, i'm pretty happy with them. hehe. THEN i spent like the better part of the rest of the day DOING MY DAMN ARTICLES. but i finished them! all onehundredandtwenty of them. wheeeheehee. and then underoneroof was so bloody sweet and funny and cute and entertaining (rambles on..) i love that show. why can't my story be like that huh? i've already got the first part down. :(

sunday a.k.a. TODAY
met chellies :D yaaayy finally. hehe. went to tampines library to study. did some math questions on curve sketching. i'm glad i did them cos now i feel much clearer on alot of things :) just a little more brushing up and i SHOULD be able to do the test on wed. then we went running. pasir ris park looked exceptionally beeyootiful today. it was nice and windy and the skies were greyishblue and the trees were just leafy enough. heh it was good talking with her again. :) haha i realise she's the first person i told, other than my family, about my wanting to be an air stewardess. so we walked, ran, walked, did pushups, dips, situps/crunches then sat on the swings! :D pasir ris town park's swings are THE best swings. i always get really high on swings. hehe. so today was really productive. :D

i think i am going through a quarter-life crisis right now. feeling very insecure about pretty much everything. let's take friends. honestly, i don't feel like i am truly connecting with anyone in my class. i suppose it's my own fault too. see, i dont want to ask too much about their situations, pry too much into their lives, because i am not willing to answer them if they ask the same of me. i dont want to keep asking and then when they ask, say i can't tell them. cause then, i'll just come across as one big fat busybody. and i dont know what is wrong with me, i keep feeling SOOO damn tired. i can't keep up with the whole hyperness and perkiness of this college i swear. sooo ironic that that was what i was first attracted to. RARGH i have to stop this whole bitterness thing going on. this is just a phase. i'll grow up and out of it soon.. i hope.

the weekend is drawing near. whoopie.
no, really. :D

today michwong asked us what we wanted to be/study in the future. and all around it was basically law, business, politics etcetc. er very inspiring. really. scary more like. hehe compared to that, my so called ambition of being an air stewardess is kinda bimbotic eh? whatever man. before ac, i rarely felt anything remotely close to stupid. but now i feel somewhat uninspired and underachiever-ish. (and pssst. ac's not even some top school. ROLLSEYESBALLS.) and right now, i hate how i'm sounding like a..a hmm.. i don't know, very unsatisfied retard. wtf. hahaha i dont even know what i'm going on about.

moving on moving on...

MAISY CHEEE is back!! wheee. i love how she makes me smile like an idiot whenever i read her msgs. haha. that would be one of the bright spots on my day. xD

after school, went on an unscheduled shopping spree with dad and sis. got two toppiewoppies. johnson's top-to-toe wash for pe daaays. (i love bathing and hanging out in the toilet. funfun :D) yummy blue nailpolish. (just like miran's!) ORANGEE pen. swirly earrings and ring ones for school. went to check for my wallet but they still didnt have it. sucks. REALLY wanted to get some books BUT i shall resist till i check out the book sale this weekend. heh had yummy food too! my dad rocks like that. :) pizzamushroomsoupspicywingscheesepancakeslamianxiaolongbao. yummm-eeee. didnt feel too bad since it was PE day, i.e. higher metabolism rate day. lalala short day tomorrow! :)

this entry's way more happy than i am.

so much for running with the girls today. when my alarm went off at 7, i was mentally arguing with myself if i should draaagg my ass out of bed. and as i argued and argued, i basically fell back into dreamland. didn't wake up again until 12.30. so while they were running and burning off calories, i was lying vertical putting them on :( sooo, i decided to give myself mass pe. hahah i did thirty minutes of 100crunches, 60pushups, 60zombiejumps, 40burpies and jumping on the rebounder. and i feel like crappamola right now. but slightly less guilty. :)

anyways. i have decided i wanted to be an air stewardess. like for a while after i graduate. ever since i went to korea, i realised that i need to travel and see the world while i'm young. must make use of my healthy (weeell, relatively at least) body to do things i want to do befoe it's too late. and what better way than to be an air stewardess where you earn as you travel. so i went to check.

Requirements
- Singapore citizenship or PR status; or Malaysian citizenship check
- At least 1.58m in height check
- At least 2 GCE A-level credits and 2 O-level credits including General Paper in the GCE A-level examination, or a Diploma from a local polytechnic; (Applicants with higher qualifications are welcome to apply.) soon to be checked i hope
- Willingness and commitment to serve a compulsory service bond. uhh soon to be checked as soon as i find out what a "compulsory service bond" is
- Preference will be given to candidates who are able to speak a foreign language or are experienced in customer service. weeeell i can kind of speak chinese. haha. and i am planning to take up korean once i'm officially done with chinese too ^_^

and yes, i know air stewardess have to be purdy -.- but well, make up can do wonders! lol.

there you go, first week of school has successfully come to an end. and i think i can safely say, "so far so good". especially in comparison to how much i was dreading it. i guess it's always better to worry too much rather than take things for granted. anyways, today we kinda met our junior class. i think eka is totally cute. hahaha. sucha waste he's not our form :( oh wells, at least he's taking our junior class. speaking of which has three boys. THREE. haha that's a record. i never knew a class to have such an off ratio of guys and girls.

went down to town after school and walked around aimlessly looking for stuff. (is that an oxymoron??) then before heading home, we stopped by the bookstore at the station. everything was all normal-ish and shit. was checking out the zoetay calendar (which looks very well done btw) with grace and chris when chris asked me if i saw the guy in black...

me: no, why?
chris: ok come i show you
me: *wonders what's so interesting about this guy in black*
chris and grace and kx start talking about how he is russell lee (the singapore ghost stories writer)
me: huh how on earth do you guys know how he look like?
chris: oh you'll see.

and right at that moment, i see this man in black, literally from head to toe. black hat, black jacket, black pants, black face mask covering his entire face, black gloves, the works. i dont know what came over me. my first thought was, omg what is the invisible man doing here. and then he walks towards us and extends his hand to idontknowwhocosi'mturningtogo. but one thing i must say, he does have a really nice voice. makes up for his lack of a face. hahahah. and he really was kinda nice when we talked to him later, after i chilled. i remember reading his books in primary school. gosh that was so looong ago. anyways, should sleep soon cos apparently i'm going to run tomorrow morning. nightos`

thursdays are my official favourite days now. (:

a short school day sprinkled with free periods equals the perfect remedy to a zonked out soul. i made it home in a record time and am probably gonna go zz soon.

i hate how i helped you find happiness,
don't be happy.

my whole entire body is aching soooo badly i am like slouching at the keyboard. my brain (i keep typing brian. !!!) is feeling sluggish. and my muscles are stiff. well first there was mass p.e.. the wonderful showers of blessings stopped right when our period started, though it wouldnt really have made a difference becos we had p.e. on the bleachers. about 60 pushups, 100 crunches and goodness knows how many "zombie" jumps later, my arms and legs had all gone jelly and i was actually perspiring. PERSPIRING in this coldcold weather. so we decided to go take a bath. even though like four out of five of us had no towels. ha ha. yeah but i didnt want to go through the whole day being stinky and sticky.

after p.e., two changes occured. first, my brain and body decided to degenerate on me. second, the weather suddenly decided to be all sunny and hot. great combination. plus the fact that i was wearing a very screwed up attire today, thus requiring my trusty sweater to maintain my neat and presentable appearance. hung around the cca fair area waiting for xue. then we headed down to ikea for THE yummy sweddish meatballs. as well as some good curry rice. walked over to queensway to hunt for her shoes. no luck there but we got lots of laughs. haha. met chris, then we headed down to rafflescity to check out if my wallet had come but it hadnt :( dayumm. walked over to suntec and finally got xue's shoes. then train-ed back. i am in SHOCK that i actually made it through all that walking. am so looking forward to bed right now...

frankly i am very relieved. i had been feeling extremely guilty the whole of yesterday. aftereffects of amy-ism i guess. haha. but i guess the way she scared me into being disciplined was for my own good. so anyways, the five of us got called out. thankfully she didnt give us dc or demerit points. just an apology letter, which i really meant when i wrote it, short as it may be. i swear i will go for every single chinese lesson from now onwards until i've officially passed it. after all it's only three periods a week. can't be too greedy. and i have to be a good, responsible gp rep to michwong so that she can erase that memory of me skipping class on the very first day of school.

i am so very tired! and i slept at 11pm last night, which means 6 good hours of rest. but i guess the accumulation of lack of sleep as compared to the hols is just creeping up on me. was so desperately in need of a seat that me and xue took the train all the way to boonlay. so the train ride home was a good one hour long. but at least i had a good nap on the train :) ok but now i am extremely tired. and i still have work to do. argh. i think these short days are just gonna make the "long days" seem even longer. oh yeah. and p.e. tmr! first mass p.e. of the year. dear lord, please bless us with a kind teacher.

oh yeah. today alot of "scouting" took place. and i realised, ac is a really superficial place. looks are EVERYTHING. what gives us the right really.

seeing how like 90% of our teachers were changed, it really did feel like a new start. in terms of academic at least. well so far the teachers seem pretty nice, despite what i feared. but then again, two of them already declared themselves "monsters" and non-friends, soooo..

anyways, i seem to be in a rut again. sometimes i really feel like i made the wrongest of wrong choices being so enthusiastic and deciding that i must come to ac. oh wells, i really hope this year flies by as fast as people say it does. altho we really can never trust what people say.

i'm happy li likes the picture (: i guess it does feel good when you're nice to people. haha i sound like a person incapable of being nice or something.

aim for the year: to be able to smileeee and mean it.

well there you go. it's byebye to 2004 and everything in it. unbelievable that today is the start of a whole new year. when the bell rang to signify a new month at 12 just now, it sounded exceptionally sad and scary..

2004

x new school
x new ppl
x korea

haha come to think of it, that basically sums up the past year. hm on the overall, i guess i would give this year a grade b. cos even tho there were the sucky parts, i'm very extremely grateful for alot of things too. also, i think that it was this year where i really started to grow up. i act no where near my age, and i realise i've still got a ton of catching up to do. well, i hate doing resolutions, but heck here goes..

for 2005, i resolve to...

x mean what i say. my aunt was right. most of the time i'm just all "empty words". that's quite something to be ashamed of actually.
x be more sensitive. i find it extremely hard to find the line between being sensitive towards others and coming off as fake. and i guess i was always more worried about being fake rather than insensitive. and that's quite selfish of me cos it shows that i'd rather protect myself and hurt others. (which is true..admitting it is the first step hah)
x exercise more. just because.
x study hard and get into uni. cos if i dont make it, i really don't know what i'm going to do.
x save lotsa money. haha because i want to travel more!
x not care so much about what people think of me. it's a complete waste of brain power and i dont know why i do it all the time.
x love ppl more. or rather think of others more.

ok that's a pretty good list for me to work towards. i hope i dont come back here a month later and laugh at it or rather at my failure to keep to it.



just had to add that, cos look, my sexy boy is pouting. :D