and when we're sad, it's kind of a drag..
but when we're not, it's pretty cool!
haha. i think i just killed the song with my own self-composed add on.
anyway, woke up real early to go for the emcc flag day where i was EVENT MANAGER. hahaha a veryvery glorified title, be assured. the people in charge were totally nice. gave us an hour for lunch break plus 'walking time'. haha and we didnt even have to do ANYTHING except sign people in. it was pretty painful stoning in the midday heat tho. but we did have our giggles spotting imitations and hidden gems!
trained down to town to meet li. had dinner at gusto. then went down to cine to catch coach carter! 'cute high school guys, hip hop music and basketball' indeed. plus full of inspirational moments which made me tear. haha basketball is COOL btw. i love watching it, too bad it's so underrated here in poreland.
i had such a happy day todayy. i guess it's the power of association. haha ooh mtv is having a 'back to 80s' special now! boybands, cheesy ballads, corny sing-a-longs. omg i LOVE it! hahah (although, since when were backstreet boys, brandy, kc and jojo etcetc 80s music??) back in the time when people were less poseur-ish when it came to music. -sniffsniff-edit* :O APRIL IS OVER!! no more vanilla-caramel-brownie-flavour-of-the-month at haagen daz :( :(
it's queer. i had so much to say in here but with the blank white space in front of me now, they tangle up in each other and have become incoherent in my head.
ok let's see..i had a fantastic day today. recipe for Good Days? one part good start, one part good end. doesnt matter what other kind of shit comes in between. :)
so all five of us are going for ocip. hooray? whoopee? nahh. i kind of regret signing up now. went for the mini briefing thing and i'm not getting good vibes coming my way! i'm really like on the verge of coming up with an excuse to withdraw. but i hate myself for always giving up on things even before i start them. example, european history. humans scholarship. history all together. etcetcetc. so many things i've given up on in JC. so many missed out opportunities. it's also really irresponsible of me if i drop out at this point. (and no doubt i'd never hear the end of it) so howw?? aunt offered me a holiday in perth instead! tough choice eh. responsibility vs a REAL holiday. (once again, this reminds me of lit. this time, A&C haha. i guess that's kind of a sign that i should stay away from the pleasure option for it may just be my downfall..)
my bloaty stomach. i'm really worried about it. i've been eating so so little these days yet making rather frequent toilet trips AND YET, my stomach is bloatier than it has ever been before! i'm scared :( dear Lord, i pray that it's not..colon cancer or..worse. my parents even think i'm pregnant(HAHA), that's how badly bloated it was last night. it's feeling better now tho, thank God, so hopefully it's passing on.
oh played street bandy for pe today and i love it! funfunfun. haha. went for book sale at expo after school. so tiringg. but i like booksales because i simply ADORE looking at book covers and also, finding books i used to read when i was young. and now it's time for survivor so everything else has to wait. toodle-loo!
arghhhhh! i am so irritated! and i dont even know how to put it into words. i have this habit of making my worst worst feelings sound really trivial when i try to explain them in words. i think it's because i am not being entirely honest whenever it comes to discussing about them outside my head, be it writing it down or talking about it. (wow this actually reminds me of war lit and writing and talking as a form of catharsis. i am so in tuned with my lit lessons these days!) so instead, i shall talk about abstract things.
if someone asked me the question, 'do you believe in fate?', i honestly don't know what i would say. what is fate anyway? according to my trusty dictionary.com, it is "the supposed force, principle, or power that predetermines events". so in other words, do i believe in predetermined events? actually no i dont think i do. but then again, it is fun believing in them. then you can go, 'wow this happened for a reason!' and 'wow this means something!'. like say, if i decided to walk this way instead of that, if i decided to wait an extra 5 seconds at this spot before moving to the next, i can look back in hindsight and say ooh look that contributed to what happened in the end. oh sudden inspiration: so let's put it this way, do the things building up to an event happen so that the event can happen or does the event only happen because of the little things that built up to it? is life like the standard storybook where the everything happens for a reason or is it like those 'choose-your-own-adventure' kinda books?
COMPLETELY USELESS IRRELEVANT EXAMPLE
person b started off with no options on how to spend x hours of time. then option 1 turned up and person b accepted. but then a better option, option 2 turned up and person b decided to take up that option and reject option 1. BUT THEN, option 2 fell through and person b was left with an ill-constructed option 3. because of this ill-constructed option 3, person b walked in a completely opposite direction than what it (no gender here) would have walked if it had taken on option 1 or 2. and as a result, person b bumped, literally, into something that it wanted to bump in when it was considering option 1 and 2. so was that predetermined?
hahah wtf man. anyawys, i have to scoot off for this thing called ed board welcome tea. i think i shall return and continue my abstract ramblings later.
school was really really slack. was on the verge of hating myself for deciding to come to school. but then i would probably hate myself too if i missed out on such a no-brainer day. spent the bulk of the time discussing ways to escape the school grounds and the horribly long track meet. this included recceing the back of the sports complex for holes and misplacing certain padlocks. but in the end debbie and i decided on the more safe option of signing up for squash finals.
anyway, backtrack to the issue of misplacing padlocks. i dont like the feeling of being disapproved. i dont know why it matters so much to me. i guess it's because i'm so used to being on the other side of the discussion. but seriously, i just have to say WHAT THE F-WORD is up with some people man. do you really think you are god(it's just an allusion, not using his name in vain =x)? blameless in every way? giving you the right to judge other people? and fine if you feel that way. i mean we are all entitled to our own opinion. but have you ever heard of discretion?? and there goes whatever trust i had in you. i really hate the feeling of being judged. you always make me feel like a fake, like i have to be something i am not. i know deepdeepdeep down you are a good person with good intentions, but really, i don't believe i can deal with this stress on me now. you are not my burden. and there, my whole myriad of feelings towards not one, but two people. just had to get it out. it's been eating at me for a while honestly, and i guess it just ate me all out today.
on to better things. our escape plan at squash finals went pretty successfully! impromptu is the way to go! haha bused down to town and studied a little at macs. then debbie left and i went down to orchardlibrary to meet shar. studied some more there before dinner at bk. then down to paragon collect our prettyful earrings. yay! i am a little worried about my lack of appetite lately tho. i keep having this awful feeling of nausea rising up my throat, and a dull throb of queasiness in my stomach. have not been eating well. i miss me food :( but i really do feel sick. URGH. at least the flu seems to be going away, thank God :)
so today was boring, tho not uneventful, complicated, but lucid. (balanced sentences balanced sentences! i'm not entirely spaced out in mrprince's lessons. :D) i need to talk to my lysenizzle :(
i'm back to posting here because my wonderfully wonderful computer seems to have STM. literally. you save something, it disappears in the next restart. to add to that, all my documents have disappeared. program files - still there. music/picture files - all gone. :( anyway, i kind of prefer blogging here because there is certain extent of privacy unless someone googled me or just stumbled into here. anyways, that's not the point. i felt i had to rant here about my sickness and my shitty chinese test today. because you know the feeling of blogging is tantamount to screaming your frustrations out on the mountain top and yada yada yada.oh my goodness. being sick is no fun-o at all-o. blocked nose. noisy breathing. tearing eyes. sore throat. blocked ears. aching body parts. HEADACHE. thank goodness school wasnt very mentally strenuous today. but then. for double chinese the teacher decided to pop a suprise test on us. that onehundred minutes went by sooooo slowly and painfully. my brain felt like it had been stepped on and kicked and manhandled after that. and i onehundred percent-ly screwed the test up. my knowledge of chinese words equal about 1% of the total chinese words that exist. very depressing indeed. oh and when i decided to retake chinese, i kinda had the impression that i would only be taking the one and only ao exam at the end of may. BUT NO. bombshell two was dropped and not only are there chinese prelims but also some moe examination thingo. which equals 3+3+2 hours of torture!! PURE TORTURE. i fcking better get a C6 or i swear i might just shoot myself. dflkjowihfgldngjghaowihtg at stupid chinese. rar rar rar. anyway, went to queensway with shar after that. bought a new schoolbag! a backpack! practicality and functionality are the new in! hahah. then had HAGAAN DAZ!! oh how i missed it! but i felt so bloody sinful eating the belgian chocolate coated in chocolate fudge when my throat was so painful. :( outside the icecream, i think i had one of the most honest conversations i ever had, today. hmm hmm. could i finally be opening up a little? hahah maybe letting out emotions and feelings and thoughts aren't so dangerous and scary after all. oh dearie me. i do hope this doesnt come back and haunt me later on =x. why oh why is it so hard to trust people! sighh. i do find that people seem to find it very easy to unload their secrets on me though. i'm not trying to say anything, but do i have the 'i-am-very-nice-and-trusty-and-will-guard-your-secrets-with-my-life' look on my face? not to say that i am not nice and trusty and well guarding of secrets. haha. damn words are so complicated. hidden connotations everywhere! F-WORD. i hate it when i can't breathe properly through two functioning nostrils!! GAHHH.