survivor is freaking fun to watch man. hahah. and i'm so happy my favourite tribe is winning all the challenges again! woohoo! :D

barely slept at all last night. tossed and turned till about 3plus. :( was so darned tired in school. but thank goodness for faulty videoplayers and kind joycesaw who gave us the second period free and a hershey's kiss to boot :) gp mock was a killer. the essay questions were all a bit cranky! none of them called out to me so i had to media cos it's the only one with examples i can actually make up. i wrote two sides! how freaking pathetic is that! plus i think my first paragraph is out of point. whoop. compre was just as bad. thank goodness this is just the mocks.

trained down to novena to meet mumsy and her friends for this spa party thing. haha was kinda strange but the food was good and the massage was ooooh sooooo good!

and friendster sucks for putting in the 'who viewed my profile' thing x(

number 2.
letter i.

wow today completely sucked. like what did i go to school for? 6 straight periods of doing nothing. all i had was war lit and double econs. had to do a bloody case study for econs which just killed. i hate doing things when i know i'm doing crap. like i just can't bring myself to write crap knowingly, you know? i figure you might as well just not do it. haha save yourself the trouble. stayed back for LIT TIMED EXERCISE today. wow guess what. surprise surprise..... it suckkkkks! ah. i know i've got the wrong attitude here. but i can't bring myself to be motivated! or hardworking or whatever. gave up writing about half an hour into the thing and went on to do my usual scribbling and scrawling nonsense before finally resorting to reading vintage in bid to make time pass faster. my very warped logic is that i dont want to take the As more times than i have to! i mean prelims werent all that long ago! and now timed exercises and mock exams. i'm going to commit suicide before i even reach A levels man. argh it's so frustrating! i hateeee being forced to do things i dont want to, even if they are for my own good. and to make things worse, going for the timed exercise means that i have to take the 6 o clock train home which is fiiiiiillllleeeeed with PEOPLE. yuck. ARGH. what a shitty shitty shitty day :(


admitting it's no longer the first step, but the perfect excuse

hello. why is blogger like this now? or is it just my com. haha

anyway, school wasnt all too bad. for once, it got better as the day went on. i feel quite stressed now. which is retarded cos i'm not actually doing any work. or maybe that's why i'm stressed. ok but anyway, from experience i just can't be around too productive people. makes me feel extremely inadequate and completely stressed out. the whole of today was dedicated to relaxing and recovering. hurr. oh and i really enjoyed lit lecture today! i like it when it's just prince. the atmosphere's less suffocating and he's so coherent and eloquent, as in he knows the right words to use so it feels like just by hearing him talk you imbibe some of his cleverness. oh and thank god they didnt screw the people who skipped writing exercise yesterday (i.e. me). my luck's running a bit too good now it's scaring me.

oh gross i just realised i had some kind of a chicken overload today =x chicken rice for recess, chicken nuggets for lunch and chicken for dinner! ooh and hazelnut chocolate overload too! nutella bread for breakfast and kinder bueno for snack time. hahah

you'll be able to tell from my smile.
:)

heheheh.

ok me, please remember this date (27th september, tuesday. oh happy birthday jolene btw! haha) and time (4.00pm to unknown) when i've officially gone off my rockers. hahahah

i dont know what in freaking hell is wrong with me. actually i've been a bit off the whole day. hurr. started with a simple question..but it kind of twisted my head around a bit. i'm like on an emotional (for lack of a better word) see-saw. not even rollercoaster cos this, it goes straight up from one extreme to another. (kind of like what mrprince was talking about during consultation today..polar extremes...) and the best part is this is all self inflicted! hahah

(i'm being superficial damnit.)

and i dont really think this is gonna help me remember next time i read it so i'm just gonna stop. hahahahaha. =x

person one
i knew from the start, what kind of person you were. but i allowed myself to become blind to that because you were nice to me. i'm susceptible to people who are nice to me. i can't help it. but now it's like something changed. everything you say has a hidden meaning. i'm kind of sad. i used to think we were pretty good friends. but now i dont knoww. i dont know what changed, you, me or the situation. but i dont think i can be near you anymore because i dont know if i can pretend it's still the same, and i swear i'm not overreacting on this one.

person two
i feel horrible horrible horrible keeping this from you. you are the one that knows what no one else knows but doesnt know what everyone else does. ironic huh. i dont think i can ever tell you till it's over, so please stop asking cos it just puts ideas and questions into my head :(

person three
you're a really good person, but i'm sorry i can't give you what you want/need.

person four, five and possibly six
i'm still trying to figure you out.

and to myself
i'm sorry i keep screwing things up for you.

i hate walking to the train station alone :( in the hot sun too! argh.

edit* omg i'm officially freaking myself out.
hahahah something is seriously wrong with me
but oh well this makes me feel better for now..
:O
i'm such a bitch!

i've come to realise that i dont really have a conscience of my own. i base my feelings of guilt on however people guilt trip me or by other people's standards. and why should i! why why why. and again, i think i'm just doing this to ease my induced guilt. like i dont know if not going to school so often is wrong, cos as long as the teachers/my classmates/my parents dont hassle me i dont give a shit. or maybe i do, seeing how i'm typing this right now trying to make myself feel better.

i hate how i'm full of excuses. i don't know what's real or true anymore.
'don't act it up!' i wish i were acting it up actually....

anyway i think i'm quite high and drunk (read: looselipped) today. saying things without thinking or caring. it's good i think, for now at least.

p.s. i think toot from shootingstars is damn freaking cute too...but i can't find a picture :(

simple way
to make my day.

yesterday, i ventured into katong shopping center with mumsies. at first, i was quite uh unoptimistic about finding anything whatsoever. so i just trudged after her and sat reluctantly at this one shop while she looked through racks and racks of clothes. but after a while, and alot of rummaging, you can actually find some cool stuff there! haha. i found a cute little summer dress that i shall wear for my cousin's wedding on sat, if i dare to. hahaha cos it's so, i dont know how to describe it. retro? stepfordwifeish? hmm. good price tho! cos you can bargain there. haha found a really cool black skirt that's a maybe for prom. and also got a pair of really cheap jeans and a white top. haha so, not bad not bad.

what makes you different?

sun's (kinda) up! so took a late afternoon swim. my stomach's really lousy today tho. urgh. oh and i fell asleep while deciding if i should come to school today. ha.

anyway, a little something to lift my spirits. haha. these are my eyecandies these days..

one; jd fortune from rockstar inxs (also known as the winner. hehe) he's talented hotstuff!

two; roychiu from the 9oclock show! i seriously think he's the hottest taiwanese dude ever. ask my sis, i say 'he's damn hot!' everytime he's in a scene. haha. only one more episode of him left tho :(

three; brandon from survivor. my new survivor cutie! hahah he's a farmer and has this really cute drawwwwl

ok i thought there were more. oh well. can't remember. i'm really too freeee. but i'm kind of depressed and deprived :( oh welllies. things are just so BLAH now. BLEAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

it's very hard to get your ass to school when the first thing you hear in the morning is 'going to school? don't go la, go back to sleep' and my dad actually means it when he says that. haha it was especially hard to get up yesterday cos i really i thought the day was going to be gross and shitty, what with the writing exercise, econs tute, aq writing exercise etcetc. but i firmly believe that i was greatly rewarded for my efforts to get up. hehe. oh and the day ended up being far from shitty actually. double math tutorial and then free period aaalllll the way to the end cos teachers didnt come as usual and blahblah. headed down to jurongeast for kfc with my fav kfc buddy! hehe then studytime at jurongeast library. i love that place! the two times i've been there i've been pretty darn productive! it's quite like exam conditions, even the coldness. haha. oh two downsides tho, it's at jurong and the shitty idiot stupid guard who's so mean and scary :( why are librarians always so fierce and unfriendly! like wth, school librarians also.... excessive aircon must have chilled their hearts or maybe they just get really shitty pay. hahah

anyway, after school today went to watch brothers grimm with li and it rocks!! i loved the whole twisted magical feel of it. haha awesomeee. most definitely one of the better movies of the year :D had some embarrassing incident in the toilet. never never never talk in the toilet. seriously, it's the number one place to be overheard. =x

To write this down as means to reconcile.

today was a complete bloody waste of time. first three periods free. followed by econs tutorial where joycesaw didnt come. followed by double math lecture, which is in itself a euphemism for 'waste time'. followed by YET another free period. and double gp where michwong didnt come. so yes, i'm wasting my life awayyyy, rotting rotting rotting.

Never a night where I can sleep myself 'til day.

woke up with my body aching and my stomach hurting. ended up washing up and almost dressing up for school before going back to sleep. haha my parents rock :) anyway, slept for another 5 hours. which did a world of good. then my sis woke me up and we both decided to head down to the airport to studyyy.

we took photos like tenmillion times and nearly died laughing cos my aunt is so retarded. hahaha

oh and meet my new friend! he's got a range of names i havent decided on; walrusy, oli, wally, sealy, walter, walt etcetcetc. haha. he's a good-luck-for-alevels gift from auntd! :D

it's been a damn tiring weekend. haha but a good one, away from this thing called studying. met up with li yesterday. wanted to watch brothers grimm (which shar now tells me is real good x( ) but we were really pushing it getting 5.45 tickets at 5 on a saturday. haha. so ended up having dinner at billybombers at heeren (which suckkkkks) and shopping around. bumped into kx. which was interesting, because like she said, i've never actually saw her with li before haha. then headed on down to top of the m again. i loveeeeee their lounge. it's our chillout place :) hehe GORGED on the nuts/cracker things. like seriously. they refilled our bowls three times! haha yumyum. and once again, non-alco for me. i dont know. i get a kick out of drinking non-alco drinks. i was seriously getting all high. haha

our pretty drinks :)
mine's called the CTE. what a name right. her's is chinatown! haha

our favourite place to take pictures. haha

today, met xue after church and shopped a whole lot. and my feet are killing me. hahah i can't wear heels for nuts, kitten or not. argh and i'm damn tired from carrying my stupid bag which was pointless cos we ended up not studying haha. AND on the way home, the train we were on got stalled for a shit ass long time. honestly i was was quite scared that we would get stuck there. quite freaky to be stranded in the middle of the train track with no way (i think) of getting out. so when the driver walked out of his carriage thing i was really like quite oh nooooo!!! hahah. but thank goodness the train seemed to be able to move in the other direction so we got sent backwards and changed train. had to give up my seat tho. my feet cried. hahah.

i was just looking through friendster and stumbled upon alot of ex primary schoolmates' profiles. it's really interesting how people change! like physically and all. and also how some of them still keep in contact. it kinda sucks that i didnt really keep in contact with anyone from primary school....yeah i'm pretty sure i didnt. aww. haha oh wells. ok i should go sleeeep. vicious school cycle starts again tomorrow :(

damnit why do i always get these weird people msging me random messages. it's happened twice already over a not too long period of two months i think. and the stories are similar. it's always this guy/girl messaging their ex(?)boy/girlfriend after a long time. and the first msg goes like how are you? the first person quite quickly grasped the fact that he got the wrong number and apologised.

the second person on the other hand, messaged me once last night 'h0w are y0u' and i was like 99.99999% sure i didnt know anyone who used 0s instead of os so i didnt reply. then today, i got another msg 'h0w are y0u friend' so i said i'm alright thanks but who are you. AND THE PERSON REPLIED 'why y0u replay like that' wtf. i didnt want to reply. but the idiot sent another msg 'wh0 are y0u' obviously i wasnt gonna tell them. so i asked who are you looking for. and the person gave me some weird as names which i'm like 200% i've never heard before so i very nicely told the person they got the wrong number. and then the person got quite scary and sccizo-y and went like why are you angry, i havent talked to you in very long, i want to see you. wow shit i got damn scared so i said i'm sorry i really dont know who you're looking for so stop msging me. but mr/miss schizo still didnt give up! they went IN CAPS 'T0DAY C0ME T0 SUNPLAZA' which really quite freaked me out. and cos i'm kind and didnt want that person to wait for no one to show i said, your friend's not gonna come cos you're sending your messages to the wrong person. i'm not replying you anymore so stop msging thanks. AND THE IDIOT went 'wh0 are y0u' again. i didnt reply. what did i get? i got 'wh0 are y0u i want reply' so i said even if i tell you my name you wont know who i am cos i'm quite damn sure i dont know who you are. and then it stopped.....




BUT SHIT I JUST GOT ANOTHER MSG. TWICE. and now they want to see me!? to say sorry. rightttt. no way man no way. i dont know why i'm so scared. it's not like they can track me down with just my number right right right. =x

ok so prelim results are outt. and even tho i said i just wanted to pass, and i knew that i really didnt put enough effort to merit stellar grades, it still kinda sucks getting back shitty paper after shitty paper.

the whole day was just pretty much a buildup to 2.30. i wasnt exceptionally stressed over it tho, in fact i was kind of excited. haha. so anyway, we had to go to lt6 to get the papers. and we had to sit according to our index numbers. which was all in all quite weird cos we were all like sitting facing nothing. and then mich starts giving out..what was it..math papers first i think. yeah. got back paper1, was kinda happy. then got back paper2 and was really quite bummed. haha and it's like your brain frantically tries to calculate the average. but anyway, according to the numbers, i failed by a mark on the average. and i was like damn damn damn! BUT THEN, i found an unmarked page and a few miscounted marks. so thank you i passed math, which was the one subject i actually started studying for like in the june hols. haha

econs after that. damn the stupid case study but i did a little better than i thought i would. so yay i can go see my tutor without dying of shame. gp..i'm really really bummed about the essay cos it was out of point! rar but there it goes, the essays i think i write well always end up like crap and the ones i think i write like crap actually end up doing pretty well. so maybe i should just write a crappy one for the As. lit got returned essay by essay so it took reaaaaally long. anyway, everyone around me was doing quite damn well. like 60s for each essay. i, on the other hand, only had two essays that hit 60, and 61 at that. haha plus a 45 for war lit to boot. felt like quite a dumbdumb but i really expected to fail lit with my two page essays so i'm not complaining. then had to wait for everyoneeeee to check marks (which took about half a bloody hour) before i could go and correct my math paper, which i didnt even get back in the end. in fact come to think of it i dont understand why mich made me stay back! roar. x(

all in all, i actually did better for the subjects i was really worried about than for those i even had an inkling of hope for. so i can't really be happy or sad. my mood ring's clear and i'm completely emotionless. hahah.

went down to collect my new passport after that. oh and apparently my parents and sis had made grade predictions for me while waiting for me in the car. haha mum said CCD (ha ha fat hope man), sis said BOO (uh thanks? haha) and dad said.....FFF! hahahahaha. so anyway ALL WRONG PEOPLE. it's somewhere in the middle of theseeeee.

had dinner at eastcoast. then came back and watched tvtvtv! the 9oclock show is damn cool! nice twists. (altho i always second-guess them haha) ohh and new season of survivor has started! wooot there are cute guys! none as cute as skinnyboy ian tho. hahah.

it aint over yet, thank you! :)

new study time table for new mugging period! haha so...exciting! they're still pretty much blank tho. waiting for the damn prelim results so i can start my plan of repairing the kinks (which in this case would be many)

i've concluded that i'm allergic to school. cos like i was completely healthy (no coughing or sneezing) during the two week break but now that i'm back in school it's back too! someone even asked if i ever even recovered. hahah

R-day tomorrow! please just let me pass. please don't let my dreams(nightmares) come true. haha. it's all fiona's fault i've been dreaming up actual marks for prelims. for sake of documentation, i dreamt i got 35 for math paper1, 16 for math paper2 and 20 for gp paper1. so we shall see tomorrow...........

today, i realised how we are like strangers. and i wondered, how can we still be friends?
but it's my fault really.

all this going through/talking about prelims papers is killing me. can't they just bloody give us back our scripts and stop letting us second guess how we did?!? despite that though, i'm quite happy that i passed econs mcq quite nicely :D haha except for the fact that it's only a pathetic 20% of the total mark. but whatever.

oh yeah. talked to mich about what options i have after the As. sounds bleak yet clearer. haha i mean at least now i have a clearer idea of what lies ahead, butttt, the road to it's looking mighty bleak right now. what with my loser cca record and pw grade. all i really have to count on are the grades i get for As. so yeah. i guess i should study and put in more effort and blahblah blah.

ok. i'm dying. my lungs are killing me. plus i'm having shitty bad cramps.
byebye school and double lit lecture tomorrow :D

school sucks.

5 weeks. counting down from now.

on a brighter note, i, had korean noodles for lunch, finished my 'post-prelims book' - Out, had a nice nap to the sound of the rain (i love rainy days :D), and am slightly happier now then i was when i just got back from school (the uh internet does that).

i think that help should be offered, not forced upon. and forced upon help should never ever expect gratitude.

ok, maybe not ready, but i sure am waiting/fretting/freakingout over this fall.

also, i feel the sickie bug in me. gosh pls dont let me get the awful cough/flu again. plus this time i feel feverish. argh must be the pre-school blues :(

went for a mini study session with xue and chels in town. i'm so out of touch with studying. oh wells, did statickytistics. did about 5 questions in the three hours that we were there. haha. then cabbed down for dinner at jumbo. heard this news report on the radio about a dismembered body found near orchard mrt. freakyyyy shit. and i'm just reading Out which is also about a dismembered body. so it's just all very freaky. i never thought such a thing would happen in singapore. i think it's bloody disgusting and surreal and i'm at a loss for coherent sentences. got a bit carsick after that. haha also cos the taxi was really gross smelling, in the stale air kind of way, plus my funny nose. and the driver was nuts, kept swerving here and there. bleah.

dinner was alrightt. good stuff but no appetite unfortunately. got a funny phone call that uplifted my spirits a bit. haha. yeah anyway i feel horrible. urgh. gonna lie down.

had some weird dreams last night.

they were vivid too.

like i distinctly remembered this phrase - i'd rather have a great sorrow, than your phone no.

wth? hahahahah.

anyways, it's daddy's big six-o today! he's an old fogey! haha

my right ear is starting to hurt quite alot. it's worrying. i remember in sec3 when i apparently had some ear infection (but never took the medication and still turned out fine). then when flying to uk, i nearly died of pain. i'm damn scared it happens again =x

hehe IF i were some dumb chick with my head in romantic clouds, i would say we were soulmates. if. hahahah.

ok reverted to this blogskin and blogger. haha

yesterday, met up with the wedgies for lunch and perfectcatch. great movie. :)

then went down to suntec to meet dad and sis for dinner and some shoping. i bought a new school bag! it's not pink! hahah. or red. it's greyyyy. :D haha then we had dinner. shopped a bit moree. then decided to go to marina south to check out the new shops. wow that place is highly confusing but there's so many shops! and not too crowded too! hehe. oh and we checked out skin too. damn nice clothes but so freaking expensive :( oh wells. there was like this really cute bracelet and the pricetag said $10.90 but both of us refused to believe it was only $10.90 so we just kept staring for the third digit. hahaha.

AND THEN. while walking along some of the shops, we spotted derrick! like the dude from projsuperstar that i think is reallyreally cute. hahaha. we took a very very super embarrassing photo with him. thank goodness there was not many ppl around. =x anyway, he's super cute oh man. haha and damn polite too :)

had icecreamm then headed on homee!

there was the cutest lady at church yesterday. cos we were like a whole half an hour late (=x) for service, we came in just as they were taking holy communion. and apparently we missed the bread, so we only got the grapejuice. so she leaned over and said, "you guys missed the bread, have half of mine!" it was so freaking cute ok, she was holding out half the biscuit thingy. totally cute angmoh lady. and the embarrassing thing was, that was her first time visiting the church. haha.

oh wells, been watching tv nonstoppp. my korean dramas. sighh they make me so sad. haha i could totally get used to being a taitai watching then day iiiiin and day ouuuuut. but then i would soon realise how pathetically boring my life is.

had a suprisingly good talk late last night on msn. it made me feel a whole lot better and less worried. tho it did affirm my stupidity, albeit in a somewhat different way. hahah

i miss my mommy! i have become her secretary tho. taking all her calls while she's away. haha

which kind of idiot lets TWO (not even one) chances like that slip away?

this idiot apparently.

or maybe i'm just oversensitive or something.

i can't just go believe whatever i want, can i?

ok the last entry was on....tues.

on weds..went for the ed board farewell. the juniors are so sweet. tho i dont know any of them. cept for seeyun. haha anyway, nice hagen daz treat and pretty cups :) then headed over to shar's house. i like her dogs and her grandma! hahah. hung around for a bit then headed down to town to meet the ex-ad2ers for dinner. pretty cool gathering. it was a bit weird at first, but in the end, it was quite nice and comfy like it used to be :) haha. anyway, my appetite was so screwed for the whole day. dont know what was wrong man. hmm. headed down to zuok, which was an experience. haha. it was like some weird erratic dream.

thurs morning. woke up to a good msg that it was a sunshiney day! haha so headed over to li's. soaked up the sun and splishsplashed the morning away. then korean movie marathon! came home. and was happyyy just because. haha

today, decided not to bother going to school. went to watch herbie instead! pretty good movie. seoul garden was good too. i'm hooked on the beef rendang. haha. went to collect dear ole robey. stupid thing is completely void of songs once again. and my shitty arse computer let me upload all of 53 songs before decided be all screwy :( and my eyes hurt and i'm irritated againnn.