i am greatly greatly frustrated.

everytime i attempt to do anything js or history related i want to stab/punch/pull something. they seem so vague and out of my scope. why are japanese students refusing school? what impact does ancient technology have on the present? I DONT FREAKING CARE!!! it's whatever those historians/japanese studies people say. please dont ask for my input cos it's basically crap and i really. detest. writing. crap. eunice goh! for the sake of your sanity (and your cap score), dont ever ever ever take another module on a country or on history ever again. argh. like i told jolene, i feel very stupid now cos i totally asked for it by going to take a freaking level two history module on my own accord. i must be crazy/nuts/insane. i mean it's interesting and the lecturer is my fav this sem, but did i even think i would be able to do well for it?! i just hope that the miracle that gave me a B for sea will happen once again.

on a brighter note, i finished my social psych book review :) i shall take a nice cool shower and then work on stats :D

hi i'm back. and i've abandoned the idea of getting any work done tonight.

i think quell is such a cute word. i love small words that pack a bigger meaning in them.

i realise i have become content with "getting by". i stopped striving for excellence way back in primary school. stopped trying to have the neatest handwriting, to get into the best class/school, to get stellar grades. cos i knew that trying so hard took too much effort and failure was too much disappointment. i just wanted to do enough to get to the next level. which is why i realise uni is such a bad thing. cos no matter what, how badly you do, you still get to the next stage. there's no benchmark set for you to cross. and while the thought of not doing well this sem is not a nice one and makes me panic occasionally, i still cant bring myself to do anything about it. just blew two hours doing...nothing. i'm so frustrated with myself honestly. someone please give me some willpower!

and i miss.....alot of things.

when you're sick you dont feel like doing anything. well except watching tv/youtube. that is very therapeutic. and that is my excuse of the moment. for all the lectures i've skipped, work i've not done. and for that five episodes of greys and two episodes of prison break i watched in a span of two nights.

anyway, my life has basically revolved around lts, trains, the school library and this chair right here at home in front of the laptop. with the exception of wed where a bunch of us watched mr bean's holiday at vivocity. i had my qualms about the movie. but despite it's cliched and mostly predictable moments, it had some funny parts and a heartwarming ending that justified it as a movie worth the weekday ticket price. heh. had dinner at foodrepublic and took pics (as usual) but they are currently trapped in colin's cam. then shiwen and i rushed down all the way to toa payoh for our work&travel briefing which brought about a whole myriad of feelings including worry, fear, and a bit of excitement. but we met two of the girls going to tok and they seem nice so yay! and i think we'll be flying together! four seems so much safer than two :D

ok, this is what i have to do this weekend, in order of importance..

1. Social psych book review
2. THINK OF A DAMN TOPIC FOR MY HISTORY PROJECT
3. 700 words on the japanese family as a cause for school refusal (ha, i would much rather do 700 words on japanese studies as the cause of MY school refusal)
4. Stats research proposal

gah. i will start now. grrr.

i'm sick!! and it's very uncool. i hate it. aching all over, feeling drowsy and having blocked/drippy nose. rarr. i think i will sleep soon.

anyways, social psych tutorial was fun today! we all presented our stories and each group had their own interesting story to share! was a great (and short; we finished in an hour!) way to end social psych tutorials! heh.

anyway, this is my groups'! :)


short shopping trip with twinnie :) and i think i ate some feathers omg. anyway i feel awful shall go sleep.

i think i have a toothache and it's affecting my mood.

i dont like mondays and js tutorial and how the tutor assumes every one is so damn interested in japan and its popular culture that we would know it's characteristics. i think i've listened to about one japanese song and watched one japanese movie. and i realised i am really not an intellectual seriously i simply cannot derive any pleasure whatsoever from questioning socially constructed terms. and i'm sick of sitting there for one hour feeling stupider than i need to be feeling as they discuss academic writing styles. ugh. japanese studies is without a doubt, the worst experience i'm having in nus thus far. i really hate academic snobs. haha. i just want to have mindless discussions CAN?

anyway here's a really nice story our social psych tutor shared with us: The Missing Piece Meets The Big O

i think i need to cry. maybe i'll watch the last part of episode 17 of heroes again.

ok, i'm just about ready to check into "youtube rehab" now.

and i really feel like being a hermit and just shutting out everyone and everything i need to do.

i dont really like weekends! i dont function well/normally then. hur.

added a picture to the blog! is it pretty? :) i kinda like it! hehe. anyway i have amazingly screwed up piorities. haha. have four ongoing projects and a term paper that's due on friday, but i spend the hours



i really should be writing my soci term paper. soci is so freaking logical it annoys me. i love reading the text but i find it so hard to apply! :( i could never be a sociologist cos i'm just not that logical and my thoughts not that organized. rahh.

anyway, i'm gonna embrace my inner inner inner taiwan fangirl and plug this video of wuzun and ella. they are utterly cute together. hurr. and the song. well, when i first heard it it annoyed the crap out of me. but it GROWS ON YOU UGH! (and the lyrics are kinda cute, the little of it that i understand. ha)

ok will go search for an article nowwwwwww.

i'm very lazy these days (but what's new). lazy to reply msgs, lazy to blog, LAZY TO DO WORK. not to mention i keep falling asleep or wanting to sleep everywhere. i'm horribly addicted to hanakimi. even to the extent that i listen to the CHINESE soundtrack when i'm not watching it. i only have three episodes left and i'm very sad :( hate to say this (cos every other teenage girl probably already has), but wuzun is too damn hotttt. ahhh. i dont like even weeks, i dont like two hour tutorials. i dont even like the one hour ones (ESPECIALLY JAPANESE STUDIES YUCKKKK). i dont like how this sem is crappy in all ways. and i will shut up now.

today was spent at the children's section of the national library with my social psych groupmates. we spent five hours working on our book! i think it's damn fun writing a children's book tho. the brainstorming, the illustrating and the COLORING! hahah. it's hard having four people write one story tho. i never understood how more than one person can write one book. writing is such a personal thing. as in it's hard to reconcile different styles. anyway, i really like how the "book"'s looking right now :) and i loveeeee the library. just looking at books makes me happyy :D

my sis borrowed hanakimi from her friend so i started watching it altho i usually cannot stand taiwanese dramas (for their mostly bad acting and plots too similar to korean dramas). but it's not bad la. very likeable cast! haha. shall tide me over till i get more greys/pb/heroes!

oh and since it's supposedly st patrick's day, here's a clip of my favourite irish boys (westlife duh!) quite cutee. it's their dads singing! hahah.

once upon a time, i thought robthomas was the hottest thing ever. haha. i think his live singing and song-writing capabilities can rival jasonmraz's place in my books. hurr. i need to get my hands on this!!

and i thought i'd made up my mind but apparently not anymore. haha.

and i sure blog too much.

do i sound very angsty in here?

and this is why i say, never wear your heart on your sleeve.

ho hum.

so i quit ushering. just did. ha. for many many reasons. for the physical pain of standing for so long. for my inability to ever feel natural at doing what an usher does. for the futility of it all. but MOST OF ALL. for the higher management who are...well not very nice. nevertheless, i felt kind of sad when i sent that msg. cos the (counts mentally) 6months spent working there wasnt a complete waste afterall. ok 6 months sounds damn long. haha i only worked 9 times actually. but i did get to watch some nice performances and i did get to meet some really nice people. and made some shopping money (some being the keyword). and, mostly, i learnt alot. i think i actually will miss the regular trips down to ucc (very pretty place :)), going into the pantry and sitting with the other ushers, every time we get a briefing for a new event, and i will miss team b ushers. but this is just a temporary emotional attachment. if i could get over leaving skps i can totally get over leaving ucc. haha.

now i shall enjoy unemployment and focus on being a student before i embark on my next employment at westmark, which is freaking only 53 days away. hurhur.

oh yes, and i'm very excited for zodiac to come out!! murder mystery + jake gyllenhaal = perfecttto! and i havent caught a movie in damn long! roar.

new skin! edited this cos i loved the colors and layout but not really the picture. maybe i'll add a picture of my own another time. heh.

also, Love Pollution and Monster Attack! are really pretty/cute but not my type so oh wells.

i meant to sleep two hours ago!!

i really hate decisionsssssssssssssssss. i tend to procrastinate, procrastinate, procrastinate, right up to the moment where i'm forced to choose whatever comes first to mind. and that, possibly, sucks. i dont know what to do. i feel so tired and i want to quit but i dont want to be quitting all my life! everything also quit when it gets the slightest bit tough/messy. i'm a QUITTER and that, definitely, sucks.

anyway. spent the last two days with miss jolene huang, who's on break. :) haha. went down to acjc yesterday. i guess i KIND OF miss the place. it's freaky tho, seeing unrecognisable faces in the oh so familiar uniform walking around the school compound that used to be yours. and suddenly you feel so old. haha. anyway, had chickenrice! and i love the aunty she's so nice, and familiar :) then headed back to school for stats before going off to bugis to shopshop! got pretty darn good bargains so i'm happy :) temporarily fulfilled shopping needs. TEMPORARILY. hurr.

today, was a long and dreary day of lectures. followed by evocation by dance ensemble. a bunch of us met up to support yonghui! and 10 of us sneakily got in with only 4 tickets. heheh. anyway, the performances were pretty darn impressive! come to think of it, this is about the first dance concert i've ever been to. haha. a good start i must say :)

argh ok and i guess i'll sleep on it.

is it just me or is the ending of ep17 of heroes damn freaking sad?? i bawled like mad man :'(

or maybe it's cos my life is a mess right now. skipping classes. not studying. making mistakes. being misunderstood. impending doom.

anyway, daiso rocks. full of exciting treasures with incomprehensible japanese words on them. and i realise that any form of retail therapy works for me. hurr. oh. and i feel a sudden burst of love for people around me, people who are human and who care and who aren't cold-hearted bitches basically. :)

ok, i've finally made my blog private. sorry for the inconvenience, but i truly believe now that blogs are for FRIENDS ONLY! haha. and also cos apparently i'm not supposed to be blogging about work (cos i might get sued for slander or whatever), but i dont care i need to get it off my chest. so private this blog shall be. haha. slightly unprofessional i guess but oh wells. anyway, back to my gender paper! skipped school today and tuition got cancelled so i have no excuse to not finish this! it's a hot hot day! i want my meatballs and icecream at ikea later! hehe :)

went down to meet ogmates for postmidterms celebration dinner at pagi sore, which is this indonesian restaurant that is apparently in this top50 restaurants in singapore list.

food was pretty good! especially the otah, calamari and the sambal kangkong! and i love how they serve their rice in pandan(?) leaves! very cute :)

then we walked about chinasquare a bit.

and then we walked somemore (OH MY LEGS) in search of hafiz's favourite waterfall but when we finally found it we realised that it was not on. zzz. but it was pretty anyway. and we all just sat around to talk and wait for kimseng the belated birthday boy to come and receive his present.

and we also took lots of photos. cos we are a very vain og :D

ok. tired. going to sleep :)

Ok. I am officially frazzled. And officially stupid. Just had a near panic attack just now because I STUPIDLY forgot what time I was supposed to usher today and STUPIDLY thought that it was at 6 when it actually is at 7. So I STUPIDLY got into the 6 o clock rush crowd at the bus stop (which is madness I tell you!) and STUPIDLY took the bus to ucc and then something clicked in my head and I thought, hey I think I was supposed to usher at 7 not 6. So cue mad calls to everyone I could think of in hopes that they were able to help me check my email cos I was STUPIDLY stranded at the ucc/osa/src stretch that has zero computers (that I know of). Thank goodness for youfei :):) and so ya, I confirmed my STUPIDITY because indeed my event was only at 7. So I walked/bused back to the library and I’m feeling all FRAZZLED now cos of the panic I just went through as well as the shittily hot weather that is going on right now. Thank goodness for the aircon in the library.

Why am I blogging in sch? it’s not something I ever thought I would do haha. Well because I’m stressed and need to get it all out. And also because there is too little time to do anything else. Another thing that is FRAZZLING me is my bloody social psych term paper that is due on tues. for one, I have no idea what I am supposed to do. Like seriously. The tutor says one thing (which is a jumbled up mix of ambiguous instructions) and the lecturer says another on the website (which is another jumbled up mix of even more ambiguous instructions) And truth be told, neither actually make any sense to me. I tried searching for profiles online just now and then I realised I must look pretty desperate – searching through personal ads in sch! But it seems like I’ll have to join a personal ads website to get my data. Purely in the name of work! Hahaha. And the most annoying part is, this damn assignment is worth only 5%! A whole two page report for 5%! Must find my own data somemore! Is it me or is this ridiculous?! GROWL. I’m so tempted to just write some shit. Cos 5% is really not worth my stress. Anyway I should go now, before I end up late for ushering which would make my day even worse than it already is.

Oh yeah, and the good punctuation is purely because I’m typing this in word. Don’t want the whole world to know I’m blogging! Hahaha.

ok heroes is very freaky and i am scared watching it! but it is morbidly intriguing. yikes. i think i'll have nightmares tonight. =x

anyways, tests are finally over but lots more things to clear still. and i'm spending a crazy amount of time in school this week. staying till 8pm for two nights. going to school early to study. going to school on my free day (tomorrow, technically today) for project meeting and ushering and ushering the whole day again on sat. times like this i really really wish i could just camp in school. travelling gives me headaches and nausea :(

my stomach hurts and i'm sick of it feeling this way :(

i hate it when words fail me.

there's just something about being at home and having to youtube. it's like a natural reflex.

anyway, i've been having a perpetual headache and i'm annoyed. and my weak and pathetic arms are aching from carrying my laptop around school yesterday. bodily aches aside. soci test is over hurray. only one more mid term test left! totally cannot believe it's only been two weeks back at school. it's felt like FOREVER. ok i shld get back to watching my tom cruise (with alot of facial hair) lookalike lecturer on webcasts now. haha.

oh and i realise i'm such a regular at youtube these days i keep having videos/songs i want to share. haha. i'm not an a1 fan but this is a lovely song. and MARK READ (the one at the synthesizer) IS HOTT. :)

this week looks to suck. started with a great BLUE monday. morning car sickness. getting bitten by ants of various sizes. coming to school at 8 freaking am and barely studying. two hours of soci. TWO HOURS is just too damn long man. and js. which i will not talk about for fear of coming off as anti-japanese. i'm not, really. i'm just terribly uninterested in them and their culture. and it pains me that i have to learn their ancient history and exceedingly complicated writing/language system (which is made up of chinese and english loan words of sounds, meanings and characters like wtf) head was hurting so bad i decided to skip social psych. was meant to study. but i wasted my time getting lost in tampines and then coming home to youtube (which does wonders for headaches). then gave tuition to my girl who was extremely talkative today. i think i might have been a bit mean cos her incessant chatter was really driving me up the wall. but actually, no i was really civil and nice, all things considered. anyway, i dont know why i just cant bring myself to study for soci :( probably cos i know i'm going to do badly. so this way i can blame my laziness for having not studied, not my stupidity, when i get that C or D even. i believe this is called self-handicapping or sandbagging even (social psych still haunts me!) though not studying can be considered rather stupid. sigh thinking about tomorrow gives me a headache. test plus history tute (TWOHOURSARGH) plus intense revision for the history test on thurs. i just want this week to be over. and the next. and the next. and the next. and the next and so on.

digressing once again.

just had to share this super amazing video. how can the host just sit there in the middle of something so great?! haha.

i have succumbed to prison break. screwwww soci. i'm tired of trying to be hardworking.

anyway this is such an amazing song.

so yesterday. i braved the freaking rain for my job. it was FLOODING here at pasir ris. no joke. my feet was submerged in water. and the rain was so heavy that even with my umbrella, i was drenched. i felt like a soggy biscuit all over. :( AND the worst worst part was, there were freaking frogs all over. ok. maybe that's an exaggeration. but yeah. there were frogs. and they were gross. YUCK.

got to ucc late so missed housecheck but was in time for the briefing thankfully. anyway, despite team a being nice and everything, i very much prefer working with team b. i guess familiarity = comfort. i only signed up cos of electrico anyway. luckily i got the insider position so i got to see the whole concert! and it was super awesome! :D the thing about electrico is, not only do they sound more than decent live, they have a coolness factor to them. haha not like certain other bands that really cannot make it despite how they try (ahemtheopeningband). and the lighting was awesome. i'd never seen ucc hall so cool. oh and there was a mosh pit too. hahah. and the cool thing about them was they allowed photography, and people coming up to the front. so i pretty much didnt have much to do after seating people in the beginning. :D the crowd was really great too. it's kinda cool to see so much love for a local band. i have a feeling the people up front probably went temporarily deaf tho. cos my ears were ringing after it was over. and i was wayy at the back. anyway, all in all it was a great concert. probably the one and only event that justifies the long standing, the shitty pay and the travelling all the way there and back. heh. oh and yesterday, singapore was freeeezing. i was shivering all the way home. not cool at all. (ha ha pun sooooo not intended.)

met xue for some catchup and walk about town just now. :) i think it's been a while since i've been to town on a weekend. seriously dislike crowds. anyway i should really study. havent touched soci since thurs. i think my exam/test-stamina stands at two papers. just like finals last year - by the second paper, i was totally out of steam. or maybe it's the whole essay thing. i have essay-phobia! :( and i'm SO TEMPTED to watch prison break!!