i am SO BORED.

and everyone seems cooler, and happier than me.

ripped this from someone.

i want to do something crazy like fly to a concert of theirs. now.

three great things yesterday


i think i like local writing in it's simplicity and in that there's just something extra that you can identify with. and i really really like this book for being random, inspiring and just fun. :D

courtesy of shiwen yay! her voice is just !!

awesome movie. i love the absurdity of it all.

had to blog this down because how rare is it these days to find a great book, album or movie, and all in one day for that matter?

that aside, life is tiring. it really is. (maybe i'm just at the low point of my mood cycles). on the micro level, each day i force myself to wake up for school or work. at school, each week brings you closer to deadlines and exams, yet i'm too tired to get much done each day, compounded upon the fact that sch is so damn far away and it takes so much effort to get there, and get around its stupid stairs etcetc. at work, it's becoming increasingly menial lately. and being among the working crowd is depressing much. i keep feeling like i want to quit but i keep getting told and i know that i should be thankful for the job and i already promised. each morning i wake up i tell myself to hold on for the weekend. when i reach the weekend, i concuss, and wake up and feel like i've no energy to do anything but laze. at home, i thought it would be better but it's just the same, maybe worse? bringing me to the macro level. i can't think of my future, it's too much hard work. education, work, a place to live. i dont want to grow up, but i'll soon have no one to lean on. i think i have these fears that i always push away but when they creep back on me they make me feel like i just want it all to end. i'm sure it's all not that bad. i'm just failing to see the good.

studying for learning and conditioning makes me increasingly annoyed at my major. all these lengthy and trying to be intellectual papers talking in circles on pretty much the same point. when i think about it i find it so ridiculous how so much research and time and education can be wasted upon the subject of how a pigeon learns to peck on a light. (other ridiculous experiments include, how a worm learns to go toward a smell it likes, or how a snail stops responding to pokes). i mean WTF seriously. why does one need to build a highly complicated and mathematical model for simple observations? why do we need to learn how learning takes place in that much detail??! it's like i lose the point in all the jargon really.

all these great debates about whether learning is associative or computational. all this "excitement" (clearly not mine but those geeky professors with...ahemnolife) over which it is. designing more and more ridiculous experiments on more and more tortured animals for what? when in the end, we realise it is computational learning (for example) what are we going to do? throw a great computationing party?!!? and of course it'll never be the end. because psychology the field needs to continue growing, so someone will come along and propose an even more complicated model that imrpoves upon the minor flaws of the previous model and great we can debate and experiment some more. fun fun!

times like this, i really feel like i can't find it in me to continue wasting my life doing this crap called psychology. because i really don't know how to apply all this that i am being made to learn. i'd really much rather start working and learning practical things (and making money) but damn a miserable bachelors in arts and social science does stink.