i know i sometimes throw myself into the world of fiction too much, even when i was younger (i remember once being SO depressed because i'd been reading tons of american/british fiction and well in comparison living in singapore is just plain yuck). it's a common cycle for me, to immerse myself into a fictional world (reading books, watching tv series in straight periods) and then when there is no more material left for me to continue being in that "world" i go into (for lack of a better term) mild depression before i find a new "world". no doubt i feel pretty ridiculous about this on a certain level of consciousness but lately i feel myself just giving into it because there are so many better worlds out there to live through secondary experiences. (on the other hand, it does make the real world all the more depressing sometimes and i occasionally do feel the danger of my constant "escapes"..but that's a topic for another discussion).

today though, the end of a recent "world" i was in was especially painful. i'd just finished watching this really great korean drama (and i would just like to say how annoyed i am at the widespread popularization of korean pop culture, it just brings up tons of stereotypes about things i've liked wayy before this mania e.g. korean drama = dramatic auntie fare) called The Last Scandal of My Life. it was a really fun watch and i really liked the lead couple. i'd gone into the drama knowing that the lead actress had committed suicide not long after the drama finished airing in 2008. i'd seen the reports briefly when it happened but hadn't read in detail cos i didn't know who she was. so after watching the last episode (which ended really nicely and happily), i went to go read the reports (1, 2, 3) and i truly felt the strong juxtaposition of reel and real worlds.

the worst part is that it was suicide. to me, suicide is the most tragic thing. for a person to feel like death is better than life is just the worst thing ever. especially since she was a beautiful, successful woman who had friends who loved her and two young children. and the worst worst thing is how suicide impacts people. case in point, it was rumors that came out of the suicide of her good friend's husband that drove her to her own suicide. (korean netizens are a whole other topic than can be heavily discussed. as the world becomes more computerized, it's really worrying that online anonymity is giving rise to people who say things without thought of the consequences).

this song is written and sung by two of her good friends and oh my does it make me even sadder.

looking back at my blog posts, i also realise that i didn't blog at all about summer school or the last semester and it kind of annoys me that there's a gap in my log. well in brief(ish) summary -

summer school was awesome fun. living in seoul was a dream come true. tho there were times i wished i was back home, or that i felt lonely there, now all that remains are memories of a time that i would give anything to go back to. living at CJ house with juhee and shauna was like the kind of flatmate dream i'd always had. being independent but there for each other. i was really lucky to be put with them. one, because they are koreans and that just kind of completed the whole experience. but more importantly, because they were some of the nicest people i've ever known. meeting qianyi was another huge blessing. she was such a great seoul-mate to have because she was so fluent with the language it was a breeze getting everywhere. more importantly, she was so similar to me in terms of tastes and preferences that we could hang out with practically no compromises on either parts. i think i might have been truly miserable without her. studying at KU was such a refreshing break from NUS. the school grounds were beautiful, the people much better eye candy haha. also, i was so much happier NOT studying anything psych related. it was so fun not having to concern myself with abstract theories and instead focus on learning things that are applicable in the real world and i think that really reflected itself in my results. of cos, studying 4 days a week was bordering on torture, but ultimately i realised it's so much easier when it comes to exam time because everything is still fresh in your head. outside that, seoul is just a great place to be. from the shopping, to the music scene, to the food. this experience is probably the one thing i'm glad i achieved in 2009.

as for last semester at NUS. it was the first time i literally had no one to go for classes with for every single module. it was horrifying. daunting. terrifying. hahaha and i'm not even joking. not to mention my timetable consisted solely of level 4000 psych seminars. fortunately, i met with really great groupmates and made some new friends. being alone really forces you to be more sociable and i guess i needed that or i would never be bothered to get to know the other people in psych. thankfully, level 4000 modules also somehow turned out to be less horrible than level 3000s. i guess it's less theory, more application. at least for the modules i chose. i also got to visit changi prison which was quite the eyeopener and i am vaguely considering a career at singapore prisons.... all in all, it was a pretty enjoyable semester tho i didn't do thaaaat fantastically haha.

last sem was also the first time i had a 2day week (mwahahaha). it was liberating but also v dangerous because i don't really know what i did with the other 5 days of the week. specially since i wasn't working either. till now, i have no clue what i was doing.. i did manage to take a short 5 day trip to hanoi with d. that was some hugeeeeeeeeeeee eyeopener. the heat and the dirt made me really angsty but looking back it was a pretty fun experience. the streets were so fascinating and the food really grew on me (phooooo ♥).