so much has changed since the Turning Point. i feel great and i hope it stays. i feel like i am ready to take on the next stage in life. i feel like i want to indulge in who i am. i feel so relieved not having to compromise myself and feel self-loathe (or maybe just self-distaste). i feel bad, but it's only because i've always put a halo on you. i'm taking off that halo now, slowly but surely. it's sad of cos but i finally feel it's for the best.

so the bout of traveling was great. europe was great. spain stole my heart. rome was a crazyadventure. i will keep the memories forever. kl was good fun too, better than i expected, and that's the good thing about low expectations i guess haha. japan was good as always. i always adore the service, the ingenuity, and the food of the japanese. but somehow it never quite sweeps me off my feet. i like it but i don't feel excited about it. the whole time i was sadly missing korea. haha

so on the plane ride back from tokyo, it was the first time i'd sat alone. like in between two strangers - a japanese guy and a japanese girl. it felt strangely liberating. i knew i wasn't traveling alone (my aunt and sis were somewhere behind me) but it felt like it and it felt awesome, like i was on an adventure by myself of sorts. and i felt independent and liking it. love that both were foreigners too. so i was armed with my trusty neck pillow, a good whimsical japanese (translated) book, and a great selection of movies. i felt so un-anxious, so unlike the me who would freak out at not being at the aisle, being stuck between two strangers, not having an escape. anyhows, the movies. omg i LOVE catching great movies on the plane. it makes me feel like i achieved something. very retarded i know. and i love that ANA was showing these older movies that i'd been meaning to watch for a while.

The Bucket List was so amazing on so many levels. i loved the whole idea, the acting, the dialogue. by the end of the movie, tears were running down my face and i was trying so hard not to sob because the two strangers next to me would probably think i was some insane emotional wreck. the best part is that i was crying not because i was sad, but because i was touched. i need to get this on dvd, to watch and remind me whenever i forget that Life is a big picture.

followed that up with Intolerable Cruelty. it had great tone but i gave up after a few minutes because i wasn't quite in the mood for something like that and to be honest, i've never quite been charmed by george clooney. like i know he's good looking, but he does nothing for me. so Remember the Titans it was. being a disney production i knew it would probably be something made to instill some kind of feel-goodyness. and i'm a sucker for such movies. it was very in the vein of Freedom Writers, The Blind Side. the whole based on a true story, human spirit overcoming racial boundaries kind of thing. loved it all the same. and can i say, ryan gosling is freaking hell cute in there. and american football is so damn exciting. haha

managed to catch only half of Rain Man after that cos the plane was landing. but i really liked the half i saw and i really need to get down to watching the rest of it. really love the dialogue on it. that's what i kind of miss about old movies, the lots of good dialogue without all the other distractions.

so now back in singapore for good (for now ha ha). time to work on the future. i feel like a lost child with no ambition facing a world of opportunities and i'm so worried about the right fit, or choosing the wrong thing etcetc. i just want to be happy, do something i don't loathe, have some sort of purpose in my every day life, and earn enough money to not deprive my worldy desires. and i don't want to lose myself going through the motions and open my eyes 10 years later a different person not knowing how i got there.