This is the first time in my life (I think) that I'm giving up something easy to go after something much more difficult. And without any tangible gain at that. I think that whatever happens, I should be proud of myself? (Or on the contrary maybe I should be ashamed for making such a huge mistake. Hmm.)

I'm actually amazed that when it came down to it, I chose to leave because I wasn't being challenged anymore. I wasn't learning. I could very well have sat there and enjoyed how it got easier as I got more rewarded. But strangely enough, as much as I love being a bum, nothing gives me more of a rush than being so preoccupied with work that time just flies by. Time goes on so quickly, it slips through your fingers in a blink of eye. In retrospect. But when you drag yourself out of bed just to watch and wait for it to go by each day, it's excruciating.

The past week of goodbyes have been surprisingly really heart tugging. It made me feel so very sad to leave all these amazing people behind. Each time I leave a workplace, I find myself asking "How will I ever find such wonderful colleagues again?" But time and time again, I've been blessed enough to find more amazing people. I can only hope this continues...

But despite the sadness, despite the apprehension, I've yet to feel regret. It's just a bittersweet feeling - that I've made somewhat of an impact but it's time for a change. Anyway, anything is better when there is an expiry date.

---

So I was just feeling superbly blessed today as D picked me up with some homemade "guotie" (also known as pot stickers; why so cute?!). She had printed out the route for me to get to my new school. My dad too had been excitedly waiting for the posting so that he could take me down for a recce. And my sis is just all-round supportive as usual.

I am so lucky, and I hate myself whenever I feel it's not enough.

--

So the pot stickers. My dad and I sat down to have them for supper. And we immediately went to get our cups for a hot drink to wash it down. I love how my dad always comments on how I love tea and he loves coffee. Once he even said to my sis (I don't know if it was jokingly?!) that he didn't want to try the tea we bought back from our trip because I love it so much, he wanted to leave every single sachet for me. AWWW.

--

Anyway, random thought as I heard my dear old Rusty coughing outside. I've never experienced death or major illness of a loved one. And I'm so so afraid that when it happens, a stupid selfish thought like "I can't go (to the hospital) because I've already bathed" will pop into my mind. Just writing this makes me awash with guilt. Ugh. I don't know how I will handle this because even if I can stop stupid selfish thoughts popping into my head, just the thought of any loved one suffering breaks my heart. I can't even go down that train of thought...

--

And good place my ass. As always, good benign feelings never last. Rude awakening once again. And honestly, I'm so lucky. Every time I have these rude realizations of what kind of horrible person you are, I have someone in my life who saves me. This time I even had a complete stranger as well. I'm using up all my luck because of you.

And I feel so confused because I have such strong opposing feelings and memories of you.

It is a race to The Finish. And while I hope I get there first, I honestly will just be relieved when someone reaches it so this will be over, for good.

2012 - Shanghai, Mauritius
2011 - Santorini, Glasgow, Edinburgh
2010 - Hokkaido, Paris, Milan, Rome, Ibiza, Barcelona, Madrid
2009 - Jeju, Hanoi
2008 - Bangkok, Hong Kong
2007 - Kyoto, Osaka, Alaska, Taipei

2007 - the year my love for travel officially began.

Actual travels:

2012 - Seoul, Beijing, Shanghai, Mauritius, Bangkok, Melbourne?
2011 - Melbourne, London, Barcelona, Edinburgh, Glasglow, Santorini, Bangkok (x2!!)
2010 - Madrid, Barcelona, Ibiza, Rome, Milan, Paris, Hokkaido, Kuala Lumpur, Toyko
2009 - Seoul, Jeju, Hanoi, Hong Kong
2008 - Hong Kong, Bangkok, Melbourne
2007 - Alaska, Taipei, Kyoto, Osaka, Tokyo

I love how fond we are of each other :)

I think I'm finally done being bitter. The last bit of aftertaste has worn off. You don't owe me anything.

Good place, good place, can we stay here?

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Stuff I thought I could do and wanted to, I tried and almost did, but realised I couldn't. No big deal. I'm glad I couldn't and I love how I'm cool with that. But I hate how I'm still just awkward always.

--

Collecting memories - I love and hate it. With each new (good) experience, I feel so happy that I have a brand new memory to hold in my head and turn over in my mind as I relive my favorite parts. But at the same time, as each memory glows brighter in retrospect, the unhappiness of my present overwhelms me even more. Soon I will be engulfed and suffocated by happy memories.