arghhhhh! i am so irritated! and i dont even know how to put it into words. i have this habit of making my worst worst feelings sound really trivial when i try to explain them in words. i think it's because i am not being entirely honest whenever it comes to discussing about them outside my head, be it writing it down or talking about it. (wow this actually reminds me of war lit and writing and talking as a form of catharsis. i am so in tuned with my lit lessons these days!) so instead, i shall talk about abstract things.
if someone asked me the question, 'do you believe in fate?', i honestly don't know what i would say. what is fate anyway? according to my trusty dictionary.com, it is "the supposed force, principle, or power that predetermines events". so in other words, do i believe in predetermined events? actually no i dont think i do. but then again, it is fun believing in them. then you can go, 'wow this happened for a reason!' and 'wow this means something!'. like say, if i decided to walk this way instead of that, if i decided to wait an extra 5 seconds at this spot before moving to the next, i can look back in hindsight and say ooh look that contributed to what happened in the end. oh sudden inspiration: so let's put it this way, do the things building up to an event happen so that the event can happen or does the event only happen because of the little things that built up to it? is life like the standard storybook where the everything happens for a reason or is it like those 'choose-your-own-adventure' kinda books?
COMPLETELY USELESS IRRELEVANT EXAMPLE
person b started off with no options on how to spend x hours of time. then option 1 turned up and person b accepted. but then a better option, option 2 turned up and person b decided to take up that option and reject option 1. BUT THEN, option 2 fell through and person b was left with an ill-constructed option 3. because of this ill-constructed option 3, person b walked in a completely opposite direction than what it (no gender here) would have walked if it had taken on option 1 or 2. and as a result, person b bumped, literally, into something that it wanted to bump in when it was considering option 1 and 2. so was that predetermined?
hahah wtf man. anyawys, i have to scoot off for this thing called ed board welcome tea. i think i shall return and continue my abstract ramblings later.