went to church this morning with karen mum and sis. and karen's right, i'm a bad girl who needs peer pressure to get her ass to church. anyway service was really good. thought provoking. my life right now is essentially a mess. alot of good things are happening and i've never felt happier and more sure of what's going on but i've also never felt sadder and more depressed and more confused about what i want. hmm.

anyway, went down to marinasquare for lunch at subway. i think every one who works at subway should be trained to make salads?! i mean seriously, second time i've encountered a subway person who didnt even know the subway salad existed. tsktsk. shopping after that. and i have obsessive compulsion to shop and buy things. which is awful. so many things i'm annoyed with myself. my spending, my not doing my work, my addiction to the laptop, my obsession with the wrong things.

i really want to read books! my fave authors all have new books out! but i have no bleeding time. even thinking about the hols that are coming, it's only one damn month then it's back to school. and there are so many things i need to do in that one month. why am i even thinking about december? i have a million and one things to do tomorrow. they are popping up in my head haphazardly and i feel i should be writing them down lest i forget them but i dont want to.

been thinking about dream jobs lately. children's party planner! there were more but i can't for the life of me remember now.

read someone's uh words just now. haha and i'm amazed at how it hit me. woke me up more like. life's not that simple really. and ideals...well are just ideals. merely a concept of something in its perfection. and well, we all know that "concept" and "perfection" both dont exist. so maybe this is why i'm so hell depressed.

anyway, nice song heard at the semi empty subway just now. thanks kareninaaa for sending :)

She said I think I'll go to Boston.
I think I'll start a new life.
I think I'll start it over, where no one knows my name.
I'll get out of California,
I'm tired of the weather,
I think I'll get a lover and fly 'em out to Spain.
I think I'll go to Boston.
I think that I'm just tired.
I think I need a new town, to leave this all behind.
I think I need a sunrise,
I'm tired of Sunset,
I hear it's nice in the summer, some snow would be nice, oh yeah.

i want to go alaska nowwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww. just to get away.