don't know why i'm not sleeping.

debbietang this is all your fault, i've become readdicted to random ranting on my blog.

for no apparent reason, the phrase "why do we try" floated into my head. it seemed to sit nicely in line with what i thought i was feeling. it seemed like a good label to wear to indicate my mood. but then i realised, that no, it's not at all what i'm feeling. not why do we try. more like why do people try. because i dont try. and i feel something less than remorse at that but i'm not trying to change it. it seems that i've come to subscribe to the idea that nonchalance is the way to go. and when disruptions to that pop up i shut out and wait for it to pass. i fear this is not healthy. but i'm not doing anything about it. yes so basically. i am full of inertia and a stone. there are so many things i need to rectify but i get away with not doing so and so i dont. am i asking for a kick? maybe. but i resist kicks. so this is completely futile and i no longer know what i'm going on about.

i swear, it's my period that's putting me in this mood.