lately i've started seriously contemplating the concept of "ending my life" haha of course, i'm far too chicken to do something like that for real. it's just that i used to have things to look forward to. now, it's just a whole lot of shit ahead. and energy sapping shit at that. and i'm so tired. i kind of know i should freaking grow up or suck it up but the immature, selfish, lazy, full of inertia, angry part of me rules, for now at least. i just want to give up and lie down.

i'd have to admit, i dont know what i'm doing, what happened, and what i'm going to do. i need to talk, but i can't. the incoherence and confusion drives me nuts. and i've not talked for so long, i think it might be too late to start.