i know i sometimes throw myself into the world of fiction too much, even when i was younger (i remember once being SO depressed because i'd been reading tons of american/british fiction and well in comparison living in singapore is just plain yuck). it's a common cycle for me, to immerse myself into a fictional world (reading books, watching tv series in straight periods) and then when there is no more material left for me to continue being in that "world" i go into (for lack of a better term) mild depression before i find a new "world". no doubt i feel pretty ridiculous about this on a certain level of consciousness but lately i feel myself just giving into it because there are so many better worlds out there to live through secondary experiences. (on the other hand, it does make the real world all the more depressing sometimes and i occasionally do feel the danger of my constant "escapes"..but that's a topic for another discussion).
today though, the end of a recent "world" i was in was especially painful. i'd just finished watching this really great korean drama (and i would just like to say how annoyed i am at the widespread popularization of korean pop culture, it just brings up tons of stereotypes about things i've liked wayy before this mania e.g. korean drama = dramatic auntie fare) called The Last Scandal of My Life. it was a really fun watch and i really liked the lead couple. i'd gone into the drama knowing that the lead actress had committed suicide not long after the drama finished airing in 2008. i'd seen the reports briefly when it happened but hadn't read in detail cos i didn't know who she was. so after watching the last episode (which ended really nicely and happily), i went to go read the reports (1, 2, 3) and i truly felt the strong juxtaposition of reel and real worlds.
the worst part is that it was suicide. to me, suicide is the most tragic thing. for a person to feel like death is better than life is just the worst thing ever. especially since she was a beautiful, successful woman who had friends who loved her and two young children. and the worst worst thing is how suicide impacts people. case in point, it was rumors that came out of the suicide of her good friend's husband that drove her to her own suicide. (korean netizens are a whole other topic than can be heavily discussed. as the world becomes more computerized, it's really worrying that online anonymity is giving rise to people who say things without thought of the consequences).
this song is written and sung by two of her good friends and oh my does it make me even sadder.
anyway, it's kinda weird how here i am feeling belatedly upset over this almost two years later. i've never even been that affected by celebrity deaths before. but still, somehow this whole issue really brought up a ton of feelings in me, perhaps because it touched on so many things that i feel strongly about.