i've definitely changed over the years in many many ways. but this is something that still affects me, albeit probably to a lesser degree now that i've learnt that many things in life are out of your control.

perhaps i've learnt that too well. because now it seems my problem is that i don't exercise enough control over situations. my course of action is oft inaction. i'm so afraid of making mistakes, of being hated for my actions, of regretting doing something. after being on both sides of the receiving end, i can't help but feel like it's time that i exercise my right to be a true player in this game of life.

now, if i can just hold on to this conviction.